Anne Gagliano
我的丈夫迈克（Mike）和我被困在一个主要房屋项目的中间：浴室改建。一首著名歌曲的歌词“与您一起呆在中间，”，完美地解释了我们这些天的感觉。我希望，当要编写第1部分的延续时，我们可以通过改建来完成，我可以将整个东西放在后视镜中。但是，a，我们不是。永无止境的项目似乎仍然是那样 - 永远不会结束。但是好消息是，我们仍在结婚，我们仍在学习，我们正在进步。我现在将分享的学习部分，希望可能为其他消防员夫妇做好准备，以更好地处理我们的家庭项目。我们的痛苦对您有好处。
我们学到的主要教训是：重塑是waymore stressful than we ever imagined. So be warned. Unless, of course, you have a perfect house and an unlimited budget and all the time in the world. But for the rest of us homeowners, there’s a reason the word “remodel” strikes fear in our hearts—because our homes and our lives are不是perfect. Disruption, expense, time, thought, and precious energy—this is but the tip of the iceberg. The list goes on—chaos, clutter, sawdust, drywall dust, more dust, noise, and lack of privacy. Steep learning curves as you plod onward with no real help, no simple how-to list, no teacher; it’s just you two trying to figure it all out as you go. And once you begin, you’re stuck; there is no quitting, no do-over, no way out. Stuck. In the middle. With you.
“Building or remodeling a home can be about the most stressful activity a married couple can engage in,” says Dr. Don Gilbert, a marriage counselor in West Des Moines, Iowa. “All the components that couples stress over—money, multiple decisions, and different preferences. In fact, there are so many opportunities for relationship stress during remodeling that it brings out in each person the weaknesses they may have in communication and conflict management.”
Even little projects can be the source of angst and fighting and havoc. I read of a couple who was simply trying to put in a new dishwasher. They decided to do it at night after the kids went to bed. They turned off the breaker, which also held the kitchen light, and thus were installing in the dark. Though the breaker was off, he still got electrocuted, ended up in the emergency room, and set the kitchen on fire. That’s home renovations–the unexpected seems to always happen.
Remodeling is like a crash course in the viability of a relationship—a litmus test, if you will. It involves large sums of money, ego, dreams, decision making, problem solving, communication, flexibility, and lots of takeout food. It has high points, and many low points, such as having to go downstairs to use the toilet in the night. This is tough for any couple, but for the firefighter couple, I believe it is even tougher still. The reasons for this I think only other firefighter couples will truly understand. So again, be warned.
Reason #1:Firefighting is the most chaotic, stressful job on the planet. Home is应该to be a sanctuary, an escape. A place to nap, recover, decompress. When it too is a source of major chaos and noise during a remodel, the firefighter may very well reach the breaking point. And the firefighter spouse will feel extra guilty and angsty about this, especially if she is the one who wanted the remodel in the first place.
Reason #2:Firefighters have sleep issues. When a bathroom is remodeled, especially the master bath, the firefighter and his spouse must go elsewhere in the house to use the facilities. In our case, we must go down a very long staircase. When my firefighter does this in the middle of the night, by the time he returns to bed he iscompletely醒了，不能回去睡觉。大多数人都可以包括我，但他不能。在消防站的多年睡眠中断，使他能够迅速而轻松地醒来。他的睡眠问题加剧了我们家庭障碍已经紧张的状况。
原因＃3：重塑需要长时间的每日多次决定。这对任何人来说都是艰难的，但是对消防员来说，这是酷刑。在我们的家庭中，经过24小时的长时间，我的消防员甚至无法决定他想要什么晚餐，更不用说我们应该如何进行重大行动。他根本不在乎，他被问到。消防妻子，你知道我在说什么。相比之下，刚刚经历了大型跑步（甚至是创伤性），刚刚经历了大型跑步，甚至是造成的，甚至是造成的。作为一对夫妇做出决定，特别是在消防员夫妇中尤其要尝试，并可能导致许多战斗，尤其是在时间表和严格的预算上，经过漫长的消防之夜。188金博网网址多少
理由4:我喜欢这样称呼：“什么都大惊小怪？”我的消防员是一个胶带的家伙。他习惯于在没有适当的资源的情况下急着地即时解决事情。他会尽力完成工作。他很擅长。在家庭改建中，他尝试做同样的事情，即使没有紧急情况，我们确实有适当的资源。当你们一个人想正确地做（并且很漂亮）时，这两种哲学在重塑中发生冲突，而另一个哲学只是想尽快将其克服。让我们保持简单；请不要戏剧。我够了真实的drama at the firehouse.
原因5：有额外的屈辱程度。在家中让人总是谦卑的一堂课 - 越来越多的人穿过您的私人空间，例如浴室，壁橱，您的卧室。然后让他们挖掘到您的墙壁，地板，电动面板和管道以及尴尬水平飙升。对于消防员，“类固醇的固定器”更是如此。我的消防员习惯于成为负责人，一个有所有答案的人，甚至能够返回最极端的情况。他对一切都感到负责。但是在他自己的房子里，恐怖使他无语。无助。向别人看。这对他来说是不寻常的。 And extra humiliating.
但是我们看着明亮的一面，然后按下。我们现在有一个跑步的厕所。还没有门，但是我们至少可以在夜间使用浴室。小步骤。我们会接受。
In my next column, as this project is ongoing and so too will this topic be, I will reveal how we are weathering the stress and conflict of our project in a way that is unique and hopefully helpful to others like us—the firefighter couple.
Anne Gaglianohas been married to Captain Mike Gagliano of the Seattle (WA) Fire Department for 31 years. She and her husband lecture together on building and maintaining a strong marriage.
