错误警报
难怪
这是乔治·华盛顿消防公司的每月吸烟者和娱乐。所有的人都在那里，度过了愉快的时光。音乐家在第二天告诉一些朋友时说：“我坐在钢琴凳子上，表现出色。”当我坐下时，他们笑了。”
“他们不知道你可以玩。”问一个朋友。
“Oh yes. But there was a tack on the stool.”
Fool the Chicago gunmen. Kill yourself.
适当的资格
Mike applied for the position as inspector in Places of Public Assembly. There was a vacancy when one of the boys left the service to try his hand at selling fire apparatus.
The chief looked the applicant over. He said:
“迈克，我认为你有点雄心勃勃。这个职位需要外交官。如果您能向我证明您是外交官，那么职位是您的。”
Mike thought for a moment and then said with a smile:
“酋长我已经结婚二十年了，我的妻子仍然认为我有一个生病的朋友。”
PRIVATE BUSINESS
The madam of a house who prided herself on the strictly methodical way in which all routine matters were considered, was surprised one morning to see the maid rush in excitedly. The madam scowled, but that did not frighten the servant.
“夫人，房子着火了。”
“Do control yourself, Jane. We don’t want the neighbors to know our private affairs.”
BROTHERLY LOVE
European fire departments are conducted on a military plan. The men have to line up in the morning for inspection on the parade grounds, and inventoried as to personal attire.
中尉给新秀留下了深刻的印象，一名消防员必须与他人合作。消防部门的好名声非常重要。经过一段时间的交谈后，他说：
“例如，如果您的朋友在桌子上吃早餐，他的制服的纽扣没有打扫，而号角吹来早上检查，您会怎么做？”
新秀想了一段时间，然后说：“我应该在他清洁纽扣时为他吃早餐。”
纯算术
Jenkins was attending a course to prepare him for the coming promotional examination for lieutenant. He was a fireman possessed with more than the average ambition. His instructor took exceptional pride in him, and often called on him to illustrate problems at the blackboard.
这个小时已经很晚了 - 这是教师认为液压课应该很久以前就结束了，但他的手表已经停止了。这些人正在努力解决问题。
“现在是几奌。詹金斯？”他问。
“Nine twenty-one.”
“Fine,” replied the instructor absentmindedly, “now suppose, Mr. Jenkins, that you work it out for me.”
障碍
Even being a fire captain has its handicaps. In one city a captain would shout his orders to men working on the upper floors. In this way he acquired a deep, sonorous voice. In fire department work it was an asset.
However, when he took his wife to the theatre, he found out otherwise. As he was explaining something to her, a man tapped him on the shoulder.
“It’s impossible to hear a word in back of you.”
“Well, what business is it of y’ours what I say to my wife?” the captain replied.
A FAIR EXCHANGE
Mike was assigned to theatre detail for a month. In this way he acquired more than a passing acquaintance with the ticket seller and the other officials of the theatre.
“Look here, Mike,” a friend said one day, “now that you’re at the theatre you ought to be able to send a guy some passes. How about it?”
“That’s a mighty fine idea,” said Mike. “Now that you’re a watchman in the bank, why don’t you send a friend some of those bills.”
“Were you embarrassed when the Hawaiian costume that you wore at the night club party caught on fire?”
“哦。确实，先生。他们很快把我带出了。”
NOT A CHANCE
斯普林代尔是一个蓬勃发展的社区。一直担任城市父亲的消防部门医生的医生太忙了，无法花时间去做这项工作。刚搬到镇上的一位新医生被赋予了空缺。
如此荣幸的几天后，一名消防员出现了，遭受了沉重的感冒。消防员曾两天晚上吵架，生病了。消防员对新医生有些怀疑。
“Are you sure that I have bronchitis, doctor? I have heard that sometimes doctors diagnose cases wrong. I was told of one man who was said to have had pneumonia, and who later died of typhoid fever.”
“你错了，”这位年轻的医生说。“如果我为肺炎治疗一个男人，他死于肺炎。”
完全满足
哈利是那些认为消防部门依靠他和独自一人的消防员之一。他也是那些鲁ck的消防员之一，足以在前一天晚上的“宿醉”报告值班。
酋长决定他有足够的这种行为。他说：
“I believe it’s about time that you left the department.”
“现在在这里看酋长，我想告诉你一件事。如果我离开，您将很难获得像我这样的另一个人。”
The chief smiled.
“那是一个安慰。”
SHIFTING THE BLAME
这个四县组织在市政厅举行了每月的会议。附近附近的消防员出现在他们的汽车上，许多人带来了没有自己的交通工具的朋友。许多汽车在汽油和油旁边携带其他液体。
On the way home, this particular roadster meandered down the road.
亨利说：“比尔，我要非常小心。Firs的事情是的，您知道您会让我陷入沟渠。”
“Me?” questioned Bill with great surprise, “Why I thought you was drivin.’ ”
WENT ASTRAY
晚餐菜被收起来，孩子们出去了，父母坐在客厅里的简单椅子上，仔细阅读报纸。
A fireman is always interested in firemanic matters and it was therefore natural that he should spy a fire story the first thing. He commenced reading aloud a story of a fire in a New Jersey Coast summer resort.
“Embers were carried to the residential section—”
他的妻子被惊叹打断了阅读。“傻瓜！他们为什么不把他们带到海滩。”
A fire department officer is known by the company that he keeps waiting.
Courtesy, Colliers
